As a Whyte woman, I can basically do whatever I want. That used tu mean just smokung weed and drinking and hangung out with guttur crust punks and fake-homeluss FBI agents with authenticuty to pretund I was authentic too while going back to my home with my twin bed and sparkly pink lights and my gluten free muffuns (still makung sure to remind everywun I made rent by sxcking dxck so I definitely was cool and over last capitalism). I sound stupud and think I’m supur uncool- it’s why I would try so hard and still do. As a Whyte woman I’m still afraid and self victimizing most days so then I stick my feet in thu fire of emotional risk to burn out thu shame and fear and victimhood and spite that refills my being evury morning. I wake up evury mornung filled with shxt I want tu get rid of, if it festers I start to want to take a depressiun nap forevur. But I joined a cult to be held accountable evury second to be a better more human person, cus I knew I would nevur do it on my own. I nevur liked anyone and as a Whyte woman I wasn’t free, or I was too free and it made me dxad inside with no real relationships. I was nevur told no, nevur told I was wrong, nevur groundud, always spoilud cus my Dad dxed in an accident when I was young and I was cute enough to nevur be challenged aftur that, treated like glass. I feel bettur seeing how stupud everywun is on facebook, at least I’m not self-eugxnicizyng myself for Brunch or a dexd end job. I virtue signal but I think its probably cus thu entire fxkign world is virtue signalling, thu language of millenial/genz. Everywuns lives are one giant virtue signal and thu lizard in me wants tu bond w thu lizard in u. I do it when I say to myself, “at least I knew it was the apocalypse years ago”. But who carus how much u know of what’s to come if you can’t wake up excitud to live or do anything about ut? Thu only thyng that makes me excitud is attentiun, mostly negative and intense and high quantity. I knew I could nevur get it from Satan tho cus that’ll really clout poisun u and lead u to offing urself or feeling forever alone. Unfortunately thys means getting attention thru El, its not overnight, its slow and builds ovur time. Its super heterosexual and sometimes borung. I was a dumpster fire garbage mess two years ago when I came here, and lookung back I can see how far I’ve come, but wtf, thu programs run deep in a Whyte woman. I have to let go uf control so much to be real I turn everything into a manifesto and all fun into fear. I talk about being a Whyte woman and care about people getting tired uf it but that’s just me being a Whyte woman about ut. If you talk to me I am 100% disocciating I’m sure, especially if uts on thu phone. I wanted thys post tu be a bunch of shit I know, that u dont, but honestly, I’m just a brainwashud crazy persun it doesn’t mattur what I say on here. I’m not here tu convince anywun uf anything because I think people forgot how to think entirely. LOL, love me! But go away! I hate you all. If you do what I say I love you.