They’re onto me, dude.
Those guys are sharp as nails up there.
You can’t put anything past them.
Oh, my God, dude, I’m freaking out.
I am so stressed out.
I feel like I’m having a panic attack.


You want to talk about stress? You want to talk about stress?! Okay? I’ve stumbled onto a major company conspiracy, Mac.
How about that for stress?


What the hell are you talking about?


This company is being bled like a stuck pig, Mac, and I got a paper trail to prove it.
Check this out.
Take a look at this.


Jesus Christ, Charlie.


That right there is the mail.
Now, let’s talk about the mail.
Can we talk about the mail, please, Mac? I’ve been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, okay? Pepe Silvia. Pepe Silvia. This name keeps coming up over and over again.
Every day, Pepe’s mail’s getting sent back to me.
I look in the mail.
This whole box is Pepe Silvia.
So, I say to myself, I got to find this guy.
I got to go up to his office.
I got to put his mail in the guy’s goddamn hands.
Otherwise he’s never gonna get it.
He’s gonna keep coming back down here, so I go up to Pepe’s office, and what do I find out? What do I find out?! There is no Pepe Silvia.
The man does not exist, okay? So, I decide, “Oh, shit, buddy.
I got to dig a little deeper.
There’s no Pepe Silvia.
You got to be kidding me.
I got boxes full of Pepe!” All right, so I start marching my way down to Carol in HR, and I knock on her door, and I say, “Carol, Carol, I got to talk to you about Pepe.”
And when I open the door, what do I find? There’s not a single, goddamn desk in that office.
There is no Carol in HR.
Mac, half the employees in this building have been made up.
This office is a goddamn ghost town.


Okay, Charlie, I’m gonna have to stop you right there.
Not only do all of these people exist, but they have been asking for their mail on a daily basis.
It’s all they’re talking about up there.
Jesus Christ, dude, we are going to lose our jobs.


Well, calm down, ’cause here’s one thing that’s not gonna happen.


What?


We’re not gonna get fired.


We’re not?


‘Cause we’ve already been fired.