I (F23) go to a college in Wisconsin and when I’m not studying for my finals , I am always on reddit. Typically I will sit in a lecture and browse reddit constantly, and no one will disturb me. However, today something awful happened. I was browsing my favourite subreddit ([r/pewdiepiesubmissions](https://www.reddit.com/r/pewdiepiesubmissions/)) and started laughing hysterically at a very funny Keanu Reeves meme. It was so funny, and after I had stopped laughing, I tipped my fedora and exclaimed “now that’s wholesome 100!” at the top of my lungs. However, due to the meme being so funny, I forgot to realise about the other people in the room. I looked around and everyone was staring at me silently. They must have been in awe at my epic reddit skills, and some were too jealous to stay in the room so they left. The professor then asked me to stop talking “**nonsense**”.

A a black man, this enraged me.

Without further hesitation, I screamed at the top of my lungs “THAT’S NOT WHOLESOME 100 KEANU CHUNGUS” and I jumped over the chairs to face him. At this point he was already trying to escape (what a noob lol) but I managed to push him to the ground before he could get out of the room. I kept screaming at him for his disrespect and I pulled out my Keanu Reeves funko pop and told him to take it and beg for mercy. Unfortunately he stopped breathing after that which was quite cringe, but I decided to honour him by shouting the classic line “You’re breath-taking!” before jumping through the window and running out of the school. On my way out, I noticed some cringey kid doing a fortnite dance, so I went over to him and snapped his neck for being so unwholesome. But as I looked up, I realised it. The police had surrounded me. So unwholesome.

As they approached me, I tried warning them. I kept on saying how much karma I had and how many reddit golds I had achieved over the years, but they didn’t listen. Luckily, I managed to find my meds just in time and woke up in bed after swallowing them.