December 7 1941, the day I was born, is also the same day your father gave birth. I went to the toilet for the first time that day and instead of wiping with paper I used corn husks and it was rough, to say the least. Within 3 weeks, I was in the thick of world war 2, fighting Hitler with the boys. We only had charm candy and methamphetamine to keep us alive while we toured through berlin. It was me, Bradley Cooper, and snake mcgee on a humvee, when we drove over an ied. Snake lost his legs and Bradley was reduced to a small pile of brown slime. It was terrifyingly terrific. I was driving and naturally got the least of the horror. A piece of shrapnel narrowly missed my jugular and instead shaved a small sliver of hair off my beard. When I got back to base camp via chopper I ate 7 cans of spam, 2 loafs of potato bread, drank 3 cartons of milk and shaved the rest of my face except for a pencil strip framing my muscular and thicc face. Roughly 2 weeks later I was discharged (dishonorably, I shot 77 unarmed civilians {35 children, 30 women, and 12 men}) and went back home to my wife. We had 5 kids, only 2 of which survived mind you, and due to the boom in our economy from us winning the war, our kids generation was called the ‘baby boomers’, or ‘boomers’ if you will. Of our two kids, one was named Albert Einstein and the other was Jeff Epstein didn’t kill himself.