The fact that I have to say this…YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARRY.

I recently got into a bit of a debate on the recent forum post on STANGNET.COM about which is the most affordable shitbox to own
Here is the issue. There are a lot of people who simply look at the sticker price of the car. Oh its only $12345 on facebook marketplace. Oh I can get it for 7k for sure as long as I bring a pack of beer with me. Sure, that’s not bad at all, but you also gotta considier basic maintenance, services, and that hog ass motherfuckin CAM you’re gonna cram in er.
As someone who owns a piece of shit foxbody, I can confidently say, even the most “affordable” shitboxes are a lot of money to own for even people who make 7.25 an hour at mcdonalds (IN THE US BECAUSE NO OTHER COUNTRY REALLY MATTERS ON THE INTERNET).

Some basic things to keep in mind when buying cars like your Foxbodies, IROCs, Plymouth Acclaims, etc. If you are buying it clean title and under haggerty insurance because you’ve got yourself a real classic, you’re probably gonna be wrenching on this bitch yourself anyways. Most of the time you will be paying in the multiple dollars in basic oil changes, and if you drive your car hard, transmission and differential services can run you some real dollar bill if you’re not careful. DIY is the only fucking option because I would never want some fucktard at a dealership touching my piece of shit.

Tires are also something a lot of poeple don’t consider when buying cars. Most “sporty cars” run staggered set ups, but unless you’re a real drag racer you will never have to worry about this shit. Plus I’m pretty sure it’s shit for handling anyways. Anyways, you’ll probably end up buying the cheapest set of tires on the market; I reccommend the achilles ATR sport lineup because holy SHIT those things last FOREVER and you can light em up at the stoplight and loose pretty much no fucking treadwear. But if you’re spergin out on some michilins for your rustbox of a car then fuckin send it but don’t say i didn’t warn ya!!11!11!!

We haven’t even talked about the gas cost. Unless you’re running some sick nasty compression ratio or you added a fuckton of boost you’ll probably be just fuckin fine on 87. That’s somethin to consider but my cousin brent runs a procharger on his LS swapped Granada and he just runs that bitch off uncle dale’s moonshine. It’s pretty much flex fuel. Something to consider!!! I siphone gas from my neighbor’s aerostar minivan and he never notices; this can also keep fuel costs down.
And this is on top of insurance and taxes (TAXATION IS THEFT). You can try avoiding this, my cousin benny got caught though so i wouldn’t recommend!!!! Make sure to factor this payment into your monthly budget.

Oh…then there is the American classic car tax…The word “American” in my book now means “FREEDOM AND BEER!.” I wouldn’t have it no other way no how!!!
How to mitigate these costs? Well you could buy one with the floorboards rotted the fuck out of er (FRED FLINTSTONE BABY). One time my brother brad bought this dodge aspen with the floorboards just rotted right out of her but he ran a 100 shot and crossed the 8th mile in less than 8 seconds!!!!! Not a bad way to save costs there! My brother has been the lucky owner of tons of shitboxes, all cheaper than the previous one he bought. He buys a car from the wrecker, busts out the MIG WELDER and goes to fuckin town. What a fuckin legend. Always pick out the tire that works best for you, and you could even rotate the tires from one car onto the other if your lug pattern matches! Also, change your oil in the longest interval recommended for whatever you buy. This is an easy way to save a quick buck. Plus, if you run your engine a quart low, it can help it spin up faster and rev higher. I have done this with my ford 300 inline 6 and we busted a fat 13.9 in the quarter mile in my truck running about a quart low. Also, know where those coppers sit! If your driving a real classic, they might just let you walk away though! Cops love chasing down loud shitboxes, but once you get into the realm of Foxbody Mustangs and third gen Camaros…well shit just hope you aren’t caught!
Or you can just buy a miata (WOMANS CAR) and be satisfied you can’t hit 60 mph faster than your neighbor’s CRV.

Big Dale

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