Alright, you know what? You’re all wrong. Dead wrong. Dead wrong about Arby’s. Arby’s is that deliciousness that is truly overlooked in the realm of fast food, an underappreciated pillar of quality amongst all franchises.

Thinly sliced roast beef, curly fries, fuckin’ jamocha shakes (FUCKIN’ JAMOCHA SHAKES) you cant miss out on any of it. If you’re serious about looking for that good-ass fast food, roll your ass up through the drive thru and get you some of that good shit.

You don’t want Taco Bell, go get you some Science Diet since you clearly wanna eat some shit made for dogs. Chik-Fil-A? Not open on Sundays? What weak-ass, day-of-rest bullshit is that? Arby’s, though, Arby’s got that premium deliciousness.

You ever kissed someone? Held them? Made love to them?


Forget all that. Arby’s is your love now. Square up at the altar, exchange vows, then chomp the fuck down on that sandwich and know Arby’s is The One. Raise kids together. Grow old, watch the subtle hues of the sunset every day with that beef and buns in your hands. And on that bed, bring that holy combo of wheat and meat to your face and whisper, “You had the meats, baby. You had the meats.”