so… i’ve been using MS Word for the best part of… i don’t know, let’s say… 15 years or so? during which, well… i honestly don’t think i’d be able to even *begin* to imagine the vaguest of estimates of how many documents – let alone pages, or paragraphs, or sentences – i must have typed in this time; writing style evolving a hundred times over and all…

and only now, only *now*, on this night of the 28th of May 20-fucking-20 have i gained the most important knowledge of all; knowledge that had eluded me all these years before coming to my attention, much like a supernova-bulb going off in my head, and, honestly… i’m still processing it all…

i am positive everybody is aware of those squiggly lines that show up to correct various aspects of one’s writing, of course. how there are the red ones, pointing out the clear, unequivocal spelling (or typing!) mistakes, and which i respect greatly in spite of their occasional over-cautiousness; as their automated dilligence allows the one who writes to be immediately alerted of things that tarnish otherwise great texts. similaly, how there are the green ones, that point out contextual inconsistencies, and once more, conveniently bring to one’s attention the more covert errors which could otherwise remain unnoticed, yet still hold power of accidentally altering the intended content, or perhaps could wrongfully insinuate grammatical incompetence; hence the green lines take upon the role of sparing one the potential embarassment. both of these types of lines have their place in the workings of the program used by millions, and while this nod of appreciation was well due, those two types of lines are not, in fact, what i’m here to talk about today…

at last we get to the third and last type of coloured zigzags… the blue ones. you know, those other ones, which, albeit their superior coloration are of debatable value. much like the equivalent of a self-proclaimed boot-licking know-it-all who believes the English language, out of all of the languages, is one that should be so rigid that there would be no room for any expression outside of the dry, normal-core textbook-speak. and if you’re anything like me, those are the lines that, as the writing process advances, will gradually begin to appear in the utmost uncalled-for abundance, showing up underneath at least *some* elements of virtually every sentence tapped out by the fingers as they dance on the keyboard. and why wouldn’t the whole page turn blue, when this automated system most adamantly believes them to contain instances of unusual and “unacceptable” stylistic structures – surely, they wouldn’t have encoded such a widely used programme with a blatantly self-announcing error! no, it seems, it is writing of such form as *my own* that is the one to be ever so full of stylistic errors, that it is *they* who are gracing *me* with the wonderous gift of education, yet from a distance, with a silent teacher, that creeps up with every error and culminates the wail of frustration in a blue and white migraine.

alas, to no avail, the years went by and i refused to see the greatness of the favour, instead enraged at the developers of this particular feature and their elaborate ways of punishing my eyes in an attempt to make me reconsider my form of expression, scrutinising sentence structuring, and indignant at the processing of ideas which they apparently do not appreciate for failing to follow The perMiSsible Word of inoffensive grammar norms. it took me all this time (and i still say half in disbelief) awaiting this epiphany right up until today, until the answer came to me, and at long last i *finally* learned how to tell those squiggly blue lines to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND ALLOW ME TO WRITE ALMOST ENTIRELY IN PASSIVE VOICE IF SO I FUCKING PLEASE.