*\*(inside investigation room)*

“So tell me, how did all this happen?”, the Policewoman said.

  You fucktards need to stop taking the piss out of the fillet-o-fish meal, because if you say it’s bad, you haven’t tasted it. 2 days ago i ordered the fillet-o-fish from McDonalds to try it, and oh my god, it was one of the most tasty, gratifying, mouthwatering, luscious, exquisite, delightful burger I have **ever** had. I remember biting down into the cheese and tartare sauce covered fish, and the golden crispy breadcrumbs started to split apart, and the white creamy tartare sauce poured out onto my tongue, leaving my tastebuds in an **orgasmic** state. The savory and rich cheese, combined with the flaky fish, leaving a heavenly taste inside my mouth. I swallowed, and prepared to take another bite once the slimy fish white sauce had slowly slid down my throat. Another bite and the divine burger made my eyes roll back into my head. I had now tasted the fish piled with a thin angelic layer of lettuce, and oh it was marvelous. People at the nearby tables had begun to notice me, maybe they too had smelt the transcendent whiff of cheese and silky fish, accumulated around the restaurant from the burger. I felt exhausted, and I still had half the burger left. I figured I had to act fast as the burger would go cold if I hesitated for much longer. I decided.

Hastily, I stood up and started to unzip my jeans. I was so excited my hands couldn’t remain steady, delaying the process. “*NO!*” I shouted, I was wasting precious time, the burger would soon go cold and the therefore the blissfully melted cheese couldn’t drip over the sides of the fragmented fish. I finally got my zipper down, pulled off my erect penis and dragged the immaculate remains of the fillet-o-fish to the edge of the table. I now shut my eyes and pushed. For the first few seconds, i felt nothing, and then the sharp sense of warmth stuck me by surprise, and i felt the soft breaded bap first. Next, the hot, sticky melted cheese met my penis and i gasped in awe. I was now inside the filet-o-fish. In, out, in, out: I repeated this for what must of been at least 20 seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. No noise, no distraction, just be inside of the fillet-o-fish. I was crying with joy now. The emotions I felt were indescribable and couldn’t be recreated from anything other than this burger. After about 30 seconds of what seemed like the most memorizing time of my life, I opened my eyes to see why everything was so silent. I lifted my head up to see everybody in the restaurant was staring directly at me, and had seen me **fucking** the fillet-o-fish. The families looked in disgust, the parents cupped their hands around their children’s eyes to blind them from the spectacle I had made myself of, like I was some sort of monster.

And all I could do was stand there, with my penis inside the burger. I was speechless, I mean what could I of said? With speed, I embarrassingly slipped my erect cheese covered penis out of the bap, and retreated it back into my jeans. I was ashamed and mortified at what I had done. I attempted to zip my jeans back up, but I couldn’t. My hands were shaking even more than before now, and I began to weep, I was humiliated. I gave up trying to zip up the jeans, and made a break for the door. I couldn’t even look at the families around me, let alone the traumatized children- what had I done? Tears had fallen onto my cheese and tartare sauce-coated mustache now, and i gripped the door handle firmly and pushed with what I wanted to be a powerful force- but it opened with ease. Somebody had opened it from the other side, and all I stumbled into the yellow luminescent jacket and they immediately handcuffed me. *” You are under* ***arrest*** *for suspicion of public indecency. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defe”*\-

And here we are now. That’s why **you should never order the fillet-o-fish meal from Mcdonalds.**