I opened my car door today and was happy to be greeted by none other than my happy little cum stains coating the black leather seats of my fabulous motor vehicle. I looked at each individual stain feeling immense pride, quickly I jumped into the car and slammed my door. Then i drove to the local church, this had to have happened while sunday service was going on because many senior citizens had been leaving and entering the building, normally it was empty. I picked a parking spot close to the church, as close to the recreation of Jesus crucified as I could get. After turning on the ac and queuing up lady gaga at full volume and bass I proceeded to unzip my trousers and inch my jeans all the way to my ankles, I started to jack it then and there. I wasn’t wearing underwear. This time I went commando. Whilst gripping my incredibly average sized dong I spit onto my jacking hand and missed, now there was drool on my favorite hoodie! I looked up at a little girl leaving the church and nutted the moment her young eyes met mine. Unbeknownst to me a very rusty truck full of teenage hooligans drove right up beside me and started screaming “did you just drool on your shirt?” with my pants still at my ankles and with cumsplosion on my mouth and face I looked out the window and said “no?” but they just questioned me “are you fucking retarded?” again i said “no?”. It was at this moment that my hand so elegantly found itself slithering into my glove box, here i kept my Smith & Wesson Model 29. I was bullied in high school, all i could think was “The next fuck who teases me is getting their fucking head blown off”. This would not be necessary though, the teens pulled out from the parking lot blaring The Choir Of The Neon Bible Song It’s Faith. Disappointed in my inability to murder anyone that day i jerked off again and did sad cummies all over my dash. This time I met eyes with a little boy.