So usually when I wake up, I do my normal thing. Wake up, hop in the shower, go back to my room, daily fap, then go on with my day.

Except it didn’t exactly go that way. My sister made a very delicious dessert last night, which was basically fucking 99% sugar. So my stomach is causing fucking havoc this morning. So when I get out the shower I go back up to my room for the daily fap, but I feel a very violent shit coming on.

I rush downstairs, I shit, ok no big deal, haven’t shit in a hot minute, so not outta the normal. After that I get ready to fap again, but I once again feel the urge to shit.

I go down, shit again, and then realize, oh shit it was that dessert she made that I ate lots of, and I also ate macaroni and cheese, which is also fuck up #2, because I’m lactose intolerant. So after that, my stomach dies down a bit and I go on with my day like normal.

About a hour or so ago, I’m chillin, doin chores washing dishes, and feel “The Sneeze.” So I sneeze, because why would I have a reason not to?

I sneeze. I also shit my shorts (which were black thank god) quite hard. My brother in law was behind me in the dining room looking over papers for his job, and he didn’t seem to notice anything. My sisters upstairs, so I’m good. I go to the bathroom, wipe my ass and underwear, take my underwear off, bundle them up in my towel that needs to be washed because I hadn’t washed it in a while, and I throw them in the wash.

TL:DR, woke up with the Hershey Squirts, shit 2 times, thought I was safe, went on with my day, and shit my shorts hard while doing dishes, and no one noticed a damn thing.