I’d probably make a YouTube video that’s just a quick 15 seconds of me pointing right at the camera and letting out a rapid fire pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew and then post the video Rick Roll style so that anyone thinking they’re going to open up a relevant link is treated to an wholly unexpected and more than likely inconvenient orgasm.

Once that catches on, my work is done (although I’ll still use my powers for good), and I’m going to enjoy seeing people on trains, in meetings, at events, and wherever on their phones and then suddenly sloshing their shorts because of my Jizz Roll video.

As the years go by, the Jizz Roll will become more and more ubiquitous in society and I’m sure many a folk will take the necessary precautions to splat proof their nether garments with rubber undies or quick release valves. I mean, surely it won’t just be the boys constantly creaming their cargos. Surely the ladies will be supersoaking their slizz snugglers and need to wear some manner of sex-grade diaper or possibly just go full skirt and let the drips drops where they may.

Yes, the world at large will be hot and humid with the musk of human sexual excretion. Unlike the Rick Roll, the Jizz Roll will turn into something you want to sit though each and every time and the negative stigma of openly slinging goo or gushing drool will be gone. Thanks to me, the world will be in a near constant state of blissful relief and post-nut clarity. I suspect the world will make huge strides in technological advancements, as well as find unity among races and religions. Civil strife will be a thing of the past when you watch a Jizz Roll and let your stuff blast.

Oh sure, even in my old age, people will want my celebrity for personal hire. Some may call them masochists, but I see these elites rich enough to afford an in person pewing as just regular folk trying to ascend to a sexual nirvana. I’d pin them against the wall, or they would do so themselves as their legs won’t be doing them much good for much long, as I relentlessly pew them into oblivion. I’d pew them stupid if that’s what they want. I’d pew them until their genitals are tender and throbbing from overuse, bright red like a piece of steel hammered hot by a master blacksmyth. As they sit there, blathering incoherently, giggling and lost on a different plane of conscious existence, I’ll shoot ’em one more pew for the road. If they die they die.

That’s what I was hired for and that’s the power I’ve been blessed with.