They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger. Since then I have been getting circumcised every 6 months. My foreskin is now stronger than steel. Whenever I am I danger, I pull it over my body like an outer shell. It is fully bulletproof, fireproof, waterproof, and extremely lightweight. I have plans to sell it as a highly rare, highly resistant material and make millions. Bridges will be made out of beams of foreskin, and police units will wear foreskin vests. I will be living in my foreskin house and bathe in my wealth. Soon the whole world will speak of me and my extraordinary achievements, I will be placed on the same transcendental level as God himself, eventually replacing him. I will look over the world, embrace it with my almighty and glorious foreskin, I will protect it, treat it like I would treat my child, my smegma. Some will repent, some will revolt, but eventually everyone will succumb to the power of the foreskin, and it will guide them to the light, one that will fill the void of their hollow husks that they call lives. Join me, brothers and sisters, in my courageous fight against all evil, and let the all-seeing foreskin guide us to the light.

I am foreskin man.