“Hey, Bill. How are you?”

“I’m great! I’m doing real well. How about yourself?”

“I’m doing good, Bill. I’m doing good. But listen, Bill – and I gotta be blunt about this: Are you a Redditor?”

“Hell yeah, man. I always check out the hottest new posts on /r/memes and /r/funny.”

I swallowed dryly. “Bill, there’s something I gotta – there’s something I gotta show you.”

I pulled the picture out of my pocket and showed it to him. It was a picture of Donald Trump, pouting angrily, with his hair blown into an awkward angle by a strong wind.

Bill’s mouth split open into a wide grin. “Oh, man – that’s great. I love that picture. That is just so funny.”

I entered the doorway into his home. “Donald Trump?” I said. “More like Donald *Drumpf.*”

Bill burst out laughing. “Oh, man – Drumpf. I forgot about that one. Drumpf – hahaha. Hahahahaha.”

I advanced on him steadily. “Anne Frankly, I did Nazi that coming.”

His laugh grew louder and fuller, into a deep guffaw.

“They did the math – They did the *monster math.*”

Not fully recovered from the previous joke, this one caught him by surprise and he doubled over, laughing hysterically with tears in his eyes.

“Amy Schumer is an unfunny whale.”

He laughed so hard that he sank down to the ground to recover. “Please – please stop. My sides are in orbit.” He gasped for breath in between his laughter. I step towards him again – at this point I am directly over him.

“Instructions unclear. My dick is stuck in a ceiling fan.”

Still struggling to breathe, his laughter began to become ragged and harsh. He falls back on his back

“Still a better love story than twilight.”

At this point he is screaming, literally howling at the top of his lungs. “No – please – stop – don’t do this to me.” He is rolling around, shaking his head back and forth.

“Hello there. General Kenobi!”

He is tearing his face with his fingernails, digging and dragging his nails down his cheeks while screaming and laughing in ecstatic delight.

“It’s over, Anakin. I hold the high ground.”

At this, suddenly and without warning, he spontaneously bursts into flames. Laughing maniacally, shrieking with delight, he rolls back and forth as his body is consumed in the raging fire.

I sink down to my hands and knees and lean down to whisper in his ear : “Perfectly balanced.” But at this point there is no need: he is already dead. I sadly look down at him as I wait for the flames to subside, leaving only his blackened, charred body. “As all things should be,” I say somberly, and disappear quietly into the night.