When I’m tapping my potential –
When I’m scrubbing up to rub –
When I’m sapping the essential
From the purple-headed club –

When I’m cooking up a lonesome –
When I take the solo stand –
When I’m playing on my ownsome,
And the tossing time’s at hand –

When I spring the knuckle shuffle –
When I start the old one-two –
When I make the flagpole ruffle,
And I milk the morning dew –

When I burn the pearly candle –
When I flog the throbbing log –
When I pump the salty handle,
Squeeze the smoke-stack of its smog –

When I spank the chunky monkey –
When I give the snake a stroke –
When I turn the skin-flute funky,
And I whip the beaten yolk –

When I do it,
get down to it,
Get on through it,
getting me –
When I court the cockerel and woo it –

Then I do it where I pee.