I know, what a title right?

This is going to sound really really odd, but recently I became increasingly aware of my SO’s infatuation with the character of Fred from Scooby-Doo. At first I thought she just liked the show and Fred was her favorite character. We all crush on fictional characters right? However, all throughout the last week I’ve heard her moan, “let’s split up, gang” in her sleep. This was honestly comical at first, I even got it on video and showed it in the morning. She didn’t seem to think it was that funny.

This alone wouldn’t have been that bad.

However, later that same day I also found an ungodly stash of body pillows in the corner of our storage room that looked as if they’d recently been disturbed. She’s also started buying me ascots, and telling me I need to hit the gym more and work on my chest muscles. When asking why, she said jokingly that I’ve got to starting competing with how utterly massive and sculpted the body of Frederick Jones is.

Obviously, this was all a bit upsetting.

 When I found out that she was actually attempting to get in contact with the live-action actor responsible for portraying Fred in the early 2000’s films, I had to put my foot down.

One night at dinner, I brought it up with her. I noticed that even at the utterance of the name Fred, her whole body seemed to tense up. When I confronted her about the body pillows, she said they were only for “when I was out of town.” I knew this to be a lie, since they looked very recently used. Growing a little frustrated, I told her she was taking this too far. She then proceeded to slam her hands on the table, and roar that if I didn’t stop poking my nose into her and Fred’s business, she would split our relationship of five years up “like Fred splits up the gang.” She then called me emotionally damaging, and fled the house. She has been staying at her mother’s for two days and I don’t know what to do.

 I’m scared to call her and risk getting her angrier, but I can’t just live in limbo like this. This seems completely out of left field, and I’m honestly left speechless?

Do I take the bait and dye my hair blonde, work out, and start building traps if it means I get to keep her?