Ah spend fife hoors masturbatin’ afair mah prostate exams. Ah edge, an’ edge an’ edge, until a butterfly sneezin’ oan mah taint coods brin’ me tae orgasm. Ah tactfully shuffle mah way doon tae th’ doctor’s office an’ when he lubes up Ah nearly cum every time. But I’ve trained mah keggle muscles enaw tae th’ point whaur Ah can hauld in Moont Vesuvius’ wrath. ‘en as suin as he puts th’ smallest bit ay pressure oan mah prostate Ah unleash wi’ th’ fury ay a lion huntin’ its prey. As th’ room gits covered in mah hot sticky juices th’ doctur looks oan disgusted an’ leaves th’ room. Ah aye gang tae a hospital far awa’ frae whaur Ah bide tae gie it sae ‘at Ah dornt hae tae gang in fur surgery under th’ doctur ‘at Ah busted tae. Best hin’ is we hae free healthcaur here, sae th’ doctur gits me aff an’ it’s covered by taxpayers. That’s mah fetish.