привет ! This is Russian tutorial to my favorite game CS:GO. Please read this tutorial in a Russian dialect to understand it completely. This guide is made for all CS:GO ranks, pros and beginners. If you follow it correctly, the people from other nations will love you and mother Russia. Do not fasten your seatbelts, because we don’t do this in Russia. Let’s begin:
1) Buy bad microphone.
This will ensure that your teammates understand “cyka blyat” and “drop avp blyat” properly.
2) Have ping >100 ms.
Otherwise game is too easy for skilled Russian player.
3) At start of every round check if you have bomb. Drop it. Real Russians play CS:GO for frags, not for plants.
4) If capital (capitalist swine game) is over or equal 4750$, buy AVP! (You don’t need armor, because you hit every shot first try.)
5) If capital is lower than 4750$, say “drop AVP blyat”. If nobody gives you AVP, proceed with No. 6.
6) If capital is between 1700$ and 4750$, buy SSG! (Again: You do not need armor, just get headshots.)
7) If capital is lower than 1700$, buy Deagle.
8) Never ever Eco. Ace with Deagle and armor!
9) If your non-russian teammate dares to plant bomb, don’t camp or defend it. Just hunt the remaining CTs.
10) If bombside is clear, don’t plant bomb or wait for your teammates, just go for more frags.
11) Never ever give info about your enemies. You need to stay top-fragger.
12) From time to time, you do not drop the bomb, but rush first with bomb. This is a change in tactics and enemies won’t be prepared.
13) If you are CT and bomb is planted, stick to your AVP and don’t pick up noob-M4. AVP is very effective close-combat.
14) You need more than 3 AVPs in your team to win round effectively.
15) Play with 3 other Russian friends. Just talk Russian.
(The 5th guy has to be random, so that he can write a guide on Reddit how to play like real Russian.)
16) Don’t buy defuser. You need 400$ for AVP.
17) If you are CT, the bomb planted and you are on wrong bombside, wait ~20 sec to rotate. The bomb will wait for you to defuse it.
18) It is common misconception that people think Russians say “Rush B”. “Rush B” implicates, that you want to plant bomb as early as possible. You do not plant bomb.
This is basic knowledge on how to play CS like Russian alpha-male. I hope you liked it.