Well I’ve got news for you. I’m faster. Faster than a Jamaican. Faster than a blue hedgehog with sneakers and jewelry. Faster than an Alabama girl with three older brothers. Faster than Kerchow the Kar. Faster than a person who shot a gram of meth about 15 minutes ago. Faster than Einstein the Light Speedy Man. Faster than your Dad trying to get an abortion. Faster than Officer Earl. Faster you are in bed. The only thing faster than me is Keanu Reeves. ***Nothing*** is faster than Keanu Reeves.