I don’t!

Can’t you see this is just some clever ruse? This man does not have a degree in Zoology. In fact, I doubt his name is even truly Caleb. Oh sure, sure, zoom in on the name tag and you can see something that resembles “Caleb” so okay, yeah, whatever, his name MIGHT be Caleb, fine. I’ll give ya that one, but there’s no way this man has a degree in Zoology!

We’re just gonna take this title as true? C’mon! Don’t be so baby goo goo poo poo soft in the melons! I can put a gentle thumb right through your melon it’s so soft! Think! Let’s really think about it! It’s just not possible, this absurd scenario being presented.

This “man” takes an order, okay. Then asks them for their favorite animal. Uh, huh? Like with his back turned spraying piping hot coffee all willy nilly!? What!? Ya gonna burn yourself, pal! Concentration is conservation (of personal safety). Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, and everyone’s slinging out a favorite animal off the top of the dome? Get bent. Get fucking bent over my couch in the living room after the holiday party before we start cleaning up all the half drank cups of holiday spiced drank. I can’t name more than three animals at a moment’s notice and I hate them all.

Right. So, this fella, this “Caleb” character does this and then what? The guy or gal taking the picture dives into the situation and gets this bucko’s life story thus far? Yeah, okay, and this photographist is so enamored by such a tale that they ask to take a picture of the young chap in action. Hmm, uhh, ya think that makes any sense? Does that make any sense for Caleb? And the cameraographer thinks to themself, “Oh yeah, no here’s a tale! I gotta post this fat fucking load to the internet and have people rain the praises!”

Nah, c’mon. You believin’ that? You sticking your prominent nose right in the creamy nougat center of this steaming pile of shit? Get real. Go Pinocchio for a bit, will ya? Lose the strings and walk on your own real, lithe boy legs for once in your fucking life and see the truth!

Caleb isn’t a Zoologist! None of this is real! It’s all an elaborate hoax set up to fool you and you have become the fool! You are the fool!