You will never be a real gamer. You have no console exclusives, you have no muscle memory, you have no gaming setup. You are casual twisted by internet memes and youtube channels into a crude mockery of lifestyle’s perfection.


All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your opponents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “teammates” laugh at your ghoulish skills behind the voice chat.


Gamers are utterly repulsed by you. Hundreds of years of technological evolution have allowed non-gamers to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even casuals who “pass” look clumsy and unexperienced to a gamer. Your posture is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a pro player team up with you, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a glimpse of your noobish, underwhelming gaming skills.


You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself I am going to win this match, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like lag, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.


Eventually it’ll be too much to bear – you’ll buy a walmart wireless controller, connect to your cellphone, download a pesky FPS, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your teammates will find out, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to play with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll make you an online memorial marked with your first username, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a casual is craved there. Your rank will decay and go back to a low level, and all that will remain of your legacy is a casual that is unmistakably noob.


This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.