Can you please inform Mr Baloney that if he continues to use my name in such a profane manner, I will:
1️⃣ Devote the next 2.5 years of my life (approximately) to studying, researching and analysing the Redheaded pasture cockchafer, learning everything there is to know about the insect, including (but not limited to)

* Breeding habits
* Anatomy and physiology
* Insect-plant interactions
* Life cycles
* Mating rituals
* Behavioural adaptations
* Dietary preferences
* Migratory patterns
* Insect communications
* Preferred brand of instant noodles

In addition to this, I will also become an expert entomologist (with a specialisation in the study of coleoptera), build up my experience in beetle storage and transportation and become a renowned hypnotist. Following the completion of these tasks, I will move into phase two.

2️⃣ Venturing into the wilderness of Gippsland, Victoria, I will manage to convince a local farmer to pay me around 450 Sri Lankan Rupees to rid his paddocks of a particularly aggressive variant of redheaded pasture cockchafer. This will take me approximately three months. All in all, I will have collected over 220 individual beetles from the farm’s soil. Bypassing airport security, I will smuggle the redheaded pasture cockchafers in my suitcase and bring them back to Queensland. Then comes phase three.

3️⃣ With the 450 Sri Lankan rupees the Gippsland farmer gave me, I will purchase a large plot of land of my own in the Atherton Tablelands (preferably near Malanda) and release the 220 beetles into the fertile, volcanic soil. The organic properties of the volcanic dirt will encourage the already aggressive beetles to become even more aggressive and develop a natural disdain for the human race, but, using my hypnosis techniques and charisma, I will convince the redheaded pasture cockchafers that I am one of them and their divine leader. The redheaded pasture cockchafers will admire me and live to serve and protect their master (also me). The beatles will routinely bring me gifts of:
* Fresh fruit
* Gold
* Framed portraits of their divine leader (me )
* Exotic spices
* Ancient pottery shards
* Unsuspecting Malandan children caught running around in fields
* Various other tokens of affection

I will reward them greatly for this service with Maggi brand “Two Minute Noodles”, which as mentioned earlier, is their favourite brand of instant noodles. This will build the beetle’s trust in me, reaffirming my graciousness and ensuring that I will be revered and respected as the Supreme Sultan of all redheaded pasture cockchafers in Queensland. Utilising my studies in entomology, I will selectively breed the most aggressive of the redheaded pasture cockchafers and over the course of the next ten months, I will successfully build up a truly formidable, ravenous horde of beetles (numbering in the thousands) that are solely loyal to their divine master (me). This concludes phase three. Moving onto phase four.

4️⃣ Once the redheaded pasture cockchafers are at peak fitness and ferocity (usually around late October but can fluctuate based on local weather conditions) I will begin my march towards the Bowen Basin. After awakening the horde of redheaded pasture cockchafers from their underground burrows and encouraging them onto the surface, I will sell the 130 acre plot of Malandan land to a local rhubarb farmer named Antonio Bianchi (unfortunately a wog immigrant, but it will have to suffice) for approximately $800,000 Australian Dollars, which I will use to purchase sustenance for the ravenous beetles. After purchasing all necessary equipment, the march will begin. Beginning in Malanda, myself and my army of redheaded pasture cockchafers will make the journey, on foot, to Moranbah, Central Queensland. We will make this trek following the road network.

This will take approximately 8 days of walking. Once arriving in the centre of the town of Moranbah, phase five will be enacted.

5️⃣ Sounding a loud gong of traditional Cambodian design, I will announce the following statement in the town square: “Dear residents of Moranbah, my name is Angus Bousi. Do not be alarmed by the horde of redheaded pasture cockchafers currently marching towards the main street of the town, I assure you, they mean no harm. These beetles are here to save your town from a great scourge by the name of Cylas Baloney. This vile, stain on the earth has been poisoning the wider interweb with his obscene comments. For this reason, I, the great Sultan Angus Bousi, have come to rid the town of the foul presence of Mr Cylas Baloney, along with my ferocious army of redheaded pasture cockchafers.” Upon hearing this wonderful news, the townspeople will begin to dance in the street and celebrate the arrival of the ‘Great Deliverance’ (a title they will bestow on the redheaded pasture cockchafers for their gracious act of eliminating the Baloney boy). Recognizing the important work of myself and the beatles, they will kindly and readily hand over the address of Mr. Baloney, and in fact, form a large parade leading the rabid horde of redheaded pasture cockchafers and myself right to the doorstep of the baloney household. Finally, phase six will come to fruition.

6️⃣ On my orders, the thousands of loyal, fervent, feral, blood-thirstiy redheaded pasture cockchafers will descend upon the humble home like a tidal wave. Their combined mass will quickly demolish the entire building, reducing it to nothing more than a pile of wood and glass and rubble. At this point, a terrified voice will ring out across the street. It’s the Baloney boy, lying, shaking in the crumbling remains of his home. He cries out desperately, pleading for mercy, but there will be none. My redheaded pasture cockchafers cannot, and will not be persuaded or bought. With no regard for the young boy’s plight, the redheaded pasture cockchafers will pummel the child’s body relentlessly. The beatles tear apart his flesh, ripping the boy limb from limb. His arms and legs will be severed from his torso, his intestines and mutilated innards will be spread across the rubble, and the only things left of his face will be a pair of bloody, empty sockets where his eyes used to be. As his blood pours out onto the ground, so too will any remaining life escape from his corpse.

This concludes my informational and detailed account of what could potentially happen to Mr. Baloney if these shenanigans continue (he insinuated I give him oral sexual intercourse) 🥰 🙏