This may come across as insane, but insanity is what I will suffer if I do not vent this. I’m stumbling to try to explain this in a way that poetically reifies my recent infatuation… no that is to soft a word. My addictive lust. My vice is lust. I will put it plainly.

I am into the Mouth of Sauron. I want him to hold me. I want to be his queen an mother children to him. I want to serve him. I just… I know there’s this thing where women are attracted to bad boys because they are willing to fight for their property (which would be me to the Mouth of Sauron) and I never understood this before I felt it on my own body.

I dream of him. I literally dream of him at night when he comes to me and seduces me. I know the feeling of his black robe, medium in thickness and velvety, without having ever actually touched it.

I have touched it in dreams and I have seen his face. Clean and angular and masculine but thin with high cheekbones and thin pink lips. I have kissed those lips in my dream and we have laid together with all of our bare skin touching. I want him so badly to be real. I’ve taken up astral projection and my end goal is to conceive an astral child with him.

I would write long stories of us and our son but that makes it seem like fiction, and in my hearts of hearts, it is real. Does anyone else feel like this?