This did not take place but actually more like a year ago.

Anyways, me and my family, mum, dad and two sisters. Went on a holiday to lake Garda and if you’ve never been it’s basically a huge lake that spreads into lots of placers in Italy. But anyways to the point of the story, one day about 1 week into this holiday my family has the bright idea to rent a boat for two days (keep in mind this is a speedboat without anything but a deck to lie on.)

On the first day of this boat outing everything went great, we saw lots of beautiful sights and ate some really good seafood, and we all went swimming in the lake. The next day is when i regretted every decision I’ve ever made.

We woke up early, about 9 am and went out to get on the boat and see some sights, at about one in the afternoon me and my family were thirsty and decided to stop at a restaurant only assessable by boat for a quick drink and some gelato. My dad stayed on the boat to keep it safe and we rode on a smaller speedboat provided by the restaurant to get to the small island.

Backstory to this, I love strawberries a lot, they’re my favorite fruit and i would’ve eaten them every day if i could.

So when we arrived my mum and sister got some drinks and me and my other sister got some gelato, this restaurant did huge sundae glasses of fruit with one scoop of ice-cream on top and i’d say there were about 50 strawberries in there maybe more. So i began to eat it even though i knew eating loads of strawberries could give the person intense stomach pain and non stop liquid fire agonizing shits, but for some inexplainable reason i thought I was safe, and i ate all of it in about five minutes.

An hour later, me and my family are back on the boat and i get the worst stomach pain I’ve ever had in my entire life. Genuinely, as a woman who has had despicable period cramps, holy shit. It was agonizing and it lasted all day and every time i moved it sent painful sharp jolts through my whole body. So clearly, i tell my parents about it and they say i’ll be fine after i eat dinner.

After i eat i feel even worse and am SO bloated, like have you ever seen roadkill that’s been there for weeks or a dead fish floating in a lake? That’s what i looked like but TEN TIMES WORSE and every single breath was like being crushed by an anvil. As we are walking home i let out a tiny fart thinking i’ll feel better.

I was so wrong. Nothing could’ve prepared me.

The pain increases to the point where it feels like my organs are being squished out by a ten ton lorry, I obviously run to the door and beg my parents to let me in. They open the door and i sprint upstairs ad sit on the toilet, expecting a huge wave of liquid shit to pour out of me but nothing happens except a few more torturous farts.

I eventually give up and go to sleep, expecting the pain to be gone by the time I wake up in the morning. I wake up early in the morning and immediately feel that sensation of something crowning my asshole, I ran the fastest i ever had in my whole life and by the time I sit down on the toilet i had already started shitting, this was an indescribable relief but also like being gutted. It was such a painful and traumatic experience, the shit was liquid hot and green as it shot out of my ass at 100 mph while i clung onto the toilet seat for dear life.

It went everywhere, on my shorts, the toilet, the floor. It was a massacre of shit and i was the murderer. I sat there stunned and felt the absolute horror wash over me as I realized what those strawberries had done to me, it was akin to finding out your dog and mother died at the same time. My asshole was burning like the fiery inferno of hell, there were tears dripping down my cheeks and then the smell hit my nose.

It was a mixture of weeks old decomposing bodies dipped in apple cider vinegar and left in the sun, next to a pile of steaming hot wet bin juice marinating with all kinds of moldy food liquid. If you are imagining it I can guarantee it was 1000 times worse, it was the worst thing I’ve ever smelt in my life and i have been to Leeds.

Of course then i got hit by the realization that I had to clean this up and after i was finished wiping my violated, raggedy, abused ass i had to get on my hands and knees and scrub that god awful revolting mixture of hellish berries and Italian food off the floor and my clothes.

It took 40 minutes for me to clean everything up because it wouldn’t stop shooting out of me for at least 10 minutes at a time, after that i gave up and just got in the shower to wash away the sins that had come out of me.

After I was finished I walked out and my Dad walked in, I’m not even joking when I say this, he vomited in the sink and ran back out absolutely traumatized. He didn’t talk to me for the rest of the trip afterwards and we didn’t take any photos. I haven’t eaten a strawberry since.

TL:DR I ate strawberries ice cream on vacation, shit explosively and painfully everywhere and made my dad vomit.