After the CIA released the contents of Osama Bin Laden’s harddrive, people dug through the files and found quite a few oddities. As well as kids movies, anime and a copy of Loose Change, there were various save files for DS games. Saves for Metroid Prime Hunters, Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time, Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars, and Metal Slug 7 were all found among the files. However, the one I found most interesting was the one for Animal Crossing: Wild World, as the very idea seemed absurd.

The most notorious terrorist in history, who killed over 2,000 people, played Animal Crossing. I had to check this out.

So, I downloaded the save file, did the greatest hacking in computer history, and managed to boot up the save file.

The first thing I noticed was that the title screen was different. The sky was dark red, the grass was burning, and the villagers all had blood-shot eyes. I was horrified already, but knew I had to keep pushing on. The game said “Touch to Start”. I did so.

My character wore a Hijab. I thought that was kinda weird, given how the game didn’t have one. The character was also black, which was also kinda weird, given how Animal Crossing didn’t let you play as a black character. The character customisation was not very inclusive, in hindsight.

Tom Nook ran up to me and said “DEATH TO THE WEST AND CAPITALISM!” I was shocked, because Tom Nook was the most capitalist person in gaming. Also, he was carrying two AK-47s and a bomb. He started gunning down a crowd of animals.

I was shocked. I don’t even know how Osama Bin Laden did this. I never took him as much of a master romhacker. I ran away from Tom Nook, before my own character died to him.

I eventually ran into K.K Slider. “Holy fuck!” said K.K. Slider. “This shit is fucked up! Who could be so monstrous as to cause something like this?”

I knew. Osama Bin Laden. It was obvious that he was an evil spirit, a monster capable of being his will. He wasn’t purely a human, he was some kind of demonic spirit. He originally suspected that Osama Bin Laden was really just a normal human being who got bored being in a cave all day and to heal his boredom did the same things that everybody did, and the only thing separating us are our ethics and capabilities. But it turns that he was truly pure evil. Thank god for that, huh?

I closed the emulator, and deleted the save file from my computer. I started to wonder how far he got in Chinatown Wars.