So my lady friend and I were doing the ole horizontal tango, and she was in the middle of polishing the candle stick, if you will. I had her love sacks in my face and was licking the cherry off the ice cream Sunday, if you know what I mean. Then suddenly my mom burst through the locked door (it makes sense because we play a game where we act like mission impossible characters and stealthily pick locks then burst in to rooms and say “mission accomplished”) right as the swim team was jumping off the high dive, as they say. So right as my girlfriend finished icing the cake all over her face my mom was like “mission accomplished!”…

It was so awkward, especially since the archbishop is supposed to come over for dinner tonight and my mom’s whole book club saw my girlfriend run out of the room naked in embarrassment with the ole DNA squirt squad still on her face, and one thought it was coffee creamer so put some in her latte.

I’ll never live this down!