My name is Barrack Obama. I’m 58 years old. My house is in the southwest section of Washington, where all the mansions are. I am married. I worked as the president of the United States, and I get home every day whenever I please. I used to smoke, and I occasionally drink.

I’m in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm obamium and doing about 20 minutes of mic dropping before going to bed, I usually have no problem sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up.

I’m trying to explain that I’m a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any political enemies, like republicans or democrats, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to debate I wouldn’t lose to anyone.