So, I’m just a normal smart guy, was watching some R&M in typical normal smart human fashion when my phone buzzed. It was a text from, can you believe it, my girlfriend. The text contained a few short words: “Come over, my parents aren’t home.” Obviously, I had to stay to finish the episode, but once that was done I headed straight over.

So yeah, we started. We agreed on a pullout strategy (too poor for contraception) so we started. Then, out of nowhere, she said “WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB.” I felt a moment of panic and yet immense pleasure as suddenly my dick turned into a fire hose of seminal fluid. The process of meiosis sped up to an unnatural rate and suddenly half my mass was gone. That’s when I passed out.

Anyway, I’m in a hospital, writing this. I think I’m on the road to recovery, next time I don’t think it’s a good idea to reference the orgasmic experience that is Dan Harmon’s genius.

You’re probably wondering about the state of the relationship. Obviously, both of our sets of parents found out because, well, ambulances and shit, but once they heard about the whole “Wubba lubba dub dub” incident, they immediately forgot about the whole thing and told us we could stay together without any consequences. Behold, the power of Rick and Morty.